I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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