Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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