Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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