You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize