wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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