Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize