How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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