I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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