I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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