so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize