Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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