don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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