I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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