Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize