Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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