Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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