And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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