my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
God I need to hump something, right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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