I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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