Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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