After last night, I could never be a politician.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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