i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize