i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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