he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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