you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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