don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
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i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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