i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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