So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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