I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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