I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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