Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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