Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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