how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
there is glitter all over my balls
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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