Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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