So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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