Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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