She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
only if we run a train.
done.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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