I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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