so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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