He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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