You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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