i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
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just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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