This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize