Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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