sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize