tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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