My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize