Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize