Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize