I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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